Dear Irregular editor & staff:

I wish you a Wicked-Good Merry Maine Coon Christmas and a Catnip-filled 2009. Similar Tabby greetings are extended to you from my brother, the Amazing Leoparini.

I am pleased to report to you the Proceedings of the 16th World Feline Conference: KATMANDU ONLINE. The CatHead of this year's event was again, Pole Cat (Department of Political Catastrophes). They preached a Catechism of both great and terrible news for the destiny of our planet.

First, the great news. With CATVs blaring, the two-leggers are reporting what careful Catalysis would reveal as a global economic Cataclysm. Catkin, you need to Catacomb this information carefully. What is actually happening is that the two-leggers are experiencing their first Shedding Season in a very long time. Amazingly, they are dropping their lifestyle excess on the floor and, actually fretting about it. Who among us doesn't want to run lighter and cleaner? To us, Shedding is simple surface Catabolism but to humans this process is the Catachresis for a well-deserved bad end to their wasteful ways.

The Feline Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I.) was able to provide The Conference with Cat Scans of wasteful two-leggers. The films reveled that humans are trying to expel a bad Hairball known as "Credit." While historically, we have lived mouse-to-mouse; the two-leggers promise to pay later for today's larder. This Catawampus thinking has become a Catch-22 for the human world. Categorically, we are seeing success here in the fall of their deleterious digital empire. Last year, they were all fondling their hand-held devices. This year, the two-leggers are wringing their hands; the hand-helds no longer bringing them needed comfort. Soon, they will be stroking Feline Fur in search of a better life. I sense us Catapulting to new levels of popularity.

Now, the terrible news. This was an Election Year and we had no candidates on the ballot! We have not held a meaningful national seat since Nicholas Katzenbach and his name has proven to be prophetic… Categorically, we are Cats-In-Back of the political bus. Adding to this Cataphyll of governmental Cataplasia is the report of a new Dog coming to the White House. Indications are that the Bushes are on their last days, apparently over-watered by the incumbent Dogs. It will be difficult to Cat Rig our fair share of PET-ro dollars with the leadership Litterally in the Doghouse. The powers-to-be are ignoring this impending Catastrophe by a Cathexis on, of all things, furniture. Their current Catchwords are Platform and Cabinet. Presumably, the two-leggers need housefittings to hide under or inside when there is a Categorical Imperative for equality in the Catholicity of Dog Bowl and Cat Dish.

The 2009 CATLAS OF 5 MEOW VACATION SPOTS - -Foreclosed McMansions.

Many two-leggers were forced to Shed luxury digs as they choked on "credit." Our Subcommittee On The Environment (Catfish) notes that these abandoned properties have become Purrfect starter-homes for a burgeoning population of Upscale Mice. Their obvious "good taste" is especially tantalizing when Feline Apportionment of PET-ro dollars is in question. We cannot allow ourselves to go hungry! Some of the amenities to be found are: shreadable upholstery and carpet, climbable draperies, sittable heat vents, CATV and sunny window seats. These are obvious Catbird Seat destinations. Add a bowl of Catabwa and you are dining in the Cat's Cradle of your dreams; positive Purrmutations in unsettling times.

Well friends, enough Cat-mapping for now. I hope that you receive everything on Your Catalyst this Christmas Morning. Mainley Yours, Lady Rangeley, MMC Aliquippa, Penn.